Grace for the Older Brother
It’s a pain point we all feel, isn't it? We want the security of salvation, but we often find ourselves living in a weird tension. We say the right things at church, we use the right Christian vocabulary, and we might even have a fish on our bumper. But when the rubber meets the road—when the temptation hits or the brother who hurt us walks into the room—is Jesus really the one calling the shots? Or are we just "yapping our lips" while our hearts are a thousand miles away?
This struggle is real because it touches the very core of our spiritual relationship with the biblical Jesus. We don't just want to know about Him; we need to know Him personally and intimately. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just going through the motions, or if you’ve found yourself getting angry at "those people" who don't seem to take holiness as seriously as you do, then this is for you. Today, I want to take a look at a perspective on the Prodigal Son that you might not have considered before—the perspective of the brother who stayed home.
In the next few minutes, we’re going to dive into what it means to truly work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We’re going to look past the religious masks and ask the hard questions. Is our obedience coming from a place of love, or is it just a way to keep our "older brother" status while our hearts remain cold? By the end of this journey, I hope we can all find the path back to the Father's house—not just with our words, but with our entire lives.
Main Message
When we talk about Jesus being Lord of our lips or Lord of our life, we usually see three different camps start to square off. You’ve got the hyper-grace crowd—the legalists love to call them that—who emphasize that it's all about the gift and nothing else. Then you have the legalists—who the grace people call legalists—who say if Jesus is Lord, you’ll do exactly what He says, or else. And then you have the Calvinists over in the corner, believing God is so sovereign that it’s all settled anyway.
I’ll be honest with you; I’ve got my foot in all three of those camps in some way. But I want to shine a different light on this argument today. Let’s start with a verse that usually makes the grace-only crowd a bit nervous:
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12 KJV)
Now, don't think I'm just hammering on the word "works" there. Look at the context. This isn't about earning a seat at the table; it's about the condition of the heart in the absence of the Master. It’s about what happens when nobody is watching. Are we just putting on a show?
I remember a time when I was deep in the pursuit of what I call "sanctification." I talk about this a lot in my book,
If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work. (2 Timothy 2:21 KJV)
I was gritting my teeth, trying to clean myself up, purging every sin I could find. But here’s the trap: as I was cleaning my "vessel," I started looking over the rim at everyone else’s dirty cups. I was becoming the older brother.
Think about that scene in Luke 15. The sun is beating down on the older brother's neck. He’s out in the field, his hands are calloused, his back is aching from a long day of "doing the right thing." He’s been obedient. He’s kept the rules. He’s been "Lord of his life" in the sense of outward discipline. But as he draws near the house, he hears music and dancing.
He calls a servant over and asks, "What is all this racket?" The servant, eyes bright with excitement, says, "Your brother is back! Your father killed the fatted calf because he’s home safe and sound!"
And what was the older brother’s reaction? Was it joy? No. The scripture says he was angry and would not go in.
This is where the "Lord of the lips" issue gets real. The older brother could say all the right things about his father. He could boast about his years of service. But his heart was divided. He was justified in his own eyes, much like the Rich Young Ruler who told Jesus he’d kept all the commandments since his youth. But Jesus knew what was in that young man's heart—he loved his money more than the Master.
The older brother in the parable didn't realize he had a heart problem. He said to his father, "Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment." He felt perfect. He felt blameless. Paul the Apostle said the same thing about his life before Christ—that touching the righteousness which is in the law, he was blameless. Yet, he was out there breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the church!
We can be "blameless" in our religious routines and still be full of "ought" against our brothers. If we refuse to go into the "house" because we’re mad at who God decided to show grace to, then we have a heart problem.
Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:4 KJV)
Personal Reflections
I’ve spent a lot of my ministry at
I remember one particular season where I was very focused on the "get out of hell free" scriptures that people love to use to justify lukewarm living. I was frustrated. I would look at verses like Ephesians 2:8-9 and I’d think, "Yeah, but what about the fruit?"
I was right about the fruit, but I was wrong about my attitude. I was becoming the guy who wouldn't go into the party. I was so worried about people "getting away" with sin that I forgot to rejoice that the dead were coming back to life.
Jesus corrected me by showing me my own heart's "lip-yapping." It’s easy to talk about holiness. It’s much harder to love a "prodigal" back to sanity. We see someone in error—maybe someone like the "Jezebel" mentioned in Revelation—and our first instinct is to complain about them. But God even gave Jezebel space to repent!
I realized that as I was purging myself to be "meet for the master's use," the very thing I needed to purge was that resentment toward the lukewarm. They don't need my condemnation; they need a rescue.
Biblical References
The scriptures are clear that there is a confession that must happen with our lips. We cannot bypass that:
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. (Romans 10:9-10 KJV)
But we have to ask ourselves: what does it mean to "believe in the heart"? If I promise a friend I’m going to do something, my words seal the deal, but my actions follow through because I actually meant what I said. If there is no follow-through, did I ever really mean it?
We also have to deal with the reality of our ongoing struggle:
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8 KJV)
The moment the older brother refused to love his brother, he was in sin. He was deceiving himself. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. If the Truth is in us, we will be constantly convicted. As soon as I give up one thing, the Spirit of God points to something else.
Key Takeaways
Check Your Heart Posture: Are you obeying out of a love for the Father or a desire to be "better" than others?
Avoid "Porch Judging": Don't be the older brother who stays outside the joy because you're holding a grudge against a repentant sinner.
Confession vs. Conviction: True lordship starts with the lips but is verified by the heart's willingness to be corrected.
The Rescue Mission: Our job isn't just to stay clean in the field; it's to go and get the lost sheep.
Sanctification is a Process: Moving from milk to meat requires a constant "purging" of self-righteousness.
Conclusion and Call to Action
At the end of the day, we have to ask: Who are we in the story? Are we the ones in the pig pen, finally realizing we need to go home? Or are we the ones in the field, bitter that someone else is getting a party they didn't "earn"?
Grace is "prodigal"—it is lavish, it is excessive, and it is often offensive to the religious mind. But it is the only thing that saves us. I’ve written extensively about these spiritual battles and how to overcome the darkness that tries to settle in our hearts in my books OPEN YOUR EYES and
If this message touched you, please share it with your friends and family on social media. We need to stop the "older brother" wars and start being the family of God. Subscribe to the podcast, leave a comment below, and let’s keep this conversation going.
Action Items
Inventory Your "Oughts": Ask the Holy Spirit if you have "ought" against anyone. If a name pops up, make the decision to forgive them immediately.
The "Lips vs. Life" Test: Look at your calendar and bank statement from the last month. Do they reflect the "Lordship" you confess on Sundays?
Reach Out to a "Prodigal": Send a simple message of love to someone you’ve distanced yourself from. No preaching—just grace.
Daily Purging: Read 2 Timothy 2:21 and ask the Lord, "What is one thing in my heart today that is making me 'unmeet' for Your use?"
Dig Deeper: Visit
ConradRocks.net
Until we meet again, dig deeper and go higher. God bless you.
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