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The studio lights were low, and the hum of the recording equipment felt louder than usual. I sat there, looking at my screen, waiting for Amy Riardon to join the call. I’ve done hundreds of interviews for Coffee with Conrad, but this one felt different. There was a weight in the air, the kind of weight that comes when you’re about to pull back the curtain on a topic most people would rather leave in the dark.
I’ve had people reach out to me in confidence for years. They whisper their struggles in the corners of Facebook groups or send cryptic emails from anonymous accounts. They’re trapped in a cycle of porn addiction and same-sex attraction, and they feel like they’re the only ones in the church who are "broken." The shame is like a thick, suffocating blanket. It tells them that if the church knew, they’d be cast out. It tells them that their brain is permanently ruined. It tells them that Jesus is shaking His finger at them from a distance, like a cold professor grading a failing student.
Maybe you’re feeling that weight right now. You’ve tried the filters, you’ve made the promises, you’ve cried the tears on Monday morning, only to find yourself back in the same dark room by Friday night. You feel like a hypocrite. You love Jesus, but this "monkey on your back" won't let go. You’re looking for a way out, but the exit sign seems to be flickering and fading.
Today, I want to tell you that there is a way out. It isn't a quick fix or a five-minute prayer that makes everything vanish forever. It’s something much deeper. It’s about moving from behavior modification to heart transformation. In my conversation with Amy Riardon, we dug into the "Kingdom Keys" for being an overcomer. We’re going to talk about breaking the power of shame, the necessity of confession, and what it actually looks like to find true intimacy with Jesus. You aren't alone, and you aren't beyond hope. Let’s dig deeper and go higher.
Breaking the Silence of the Secret Stronghold
One of the first things I asked Amy was why everyone is so quiet about this. I mean, the statistics are staggering. We’re talking about more than half of pastors and youth leaders struggling with this, according to major research groups. Yet, you wouldn't know it by sitting in a Sunday morning service.
Amy’s voice was steady as she answered, "There is a tremendous amount of shame surrounding this topic for men, women, everybody who's dealing with this." She admitted that she never intended to talk about her struggle with porn and same-sex attraction. She wanted to keep it buried. But God had other plans.
You see, shame thrives in the dark. It’s like a fungus that grows in the damp, hidden corners of our lives. When we keep our struggles secret, we give the enemy a foothold. I’ve seen this in my own ministry and in the lives of those I’ve helped through my books. When you’re dealing with a spiritual stronghold, the first step is always to bring it into the light.
"I realize even just recently realize more and more layers of shame being removed," Amy told me. Even after being set free, the process of talking about it continues to heal her. She talked about her husband, Kevin, and how they had to navigate this together. It wasn't easy. It required brutal honesty and a commitment to communication. If you’re married and struggling, the fear of losing your spouse is real. But Amy and Kevin found that transparency actually built a bridge for them to march forward together.
This leads us to a hard truth: you cannot heal what you will not reveal. We often think we can handle it ourselves. We buy the software, we delete the apps, but we keep the secret. And because we keep the secret, the root remains.
The Power of Confession and Accountability
I’ve always been a big believer in the Word of God as our primary manual for life. James is very clear about how we find healing.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (James 5:16 KJV)
I asked Amy if that act of confession—just getting it out of her mouth—really helped. She didn't hesitate. "Most definitely," she said. It helped break the shame. But here’s the tricky part: who do you tell?
We’ve all heard the horror stories. Someone opens up to a "friend" or a leader, and by the next week, the whole prayer chain knows the details. That’s a betrayal that can drive a person even deeper into hiding. Amy suggested looking for someone who is already proven to be trustworthy. If someone gossips to you about others, they will gossip about you. Don't go there. Find someone who has a close relationship with God, someone who is compassionate and understanding.
Start small. Share a little bit and see how they react. If they listen without judgment and follow up with you later, you’ve found a safe place. Confession isn't just about dumping your sins; it’s about inviting someone else into the fight with you. It leads to an accountability structure.
We talked about software like Covenant Eyes. For Amy and Kevin, it was a vital tool. Everything she looked at on the computer went straight to him. It acted like a "police force" for her eyes. But she said something that really stuck with me: "It can't change my heart."
Software can stop the finger from clicking, but it can't stop the heart from wanting. We can make a covenant with our eyes, just like Job did.
I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid? (Job 31:1 KJV)
That is a necessary step. If your phone is your "third arm" and it’s constantly leading you into sin, you might have to take drastic measures. Jesus said if your eye offends you, pluck it out. In 2026, that might mean getting rid of the smartphone or the high-speed internet for a season. It sounds crazy to a world that relies on technology, but what is the price of your soul? I’d rather go to heaven with a flip phone than go to hell with the latest iPhone.
Moving from Behavior to the Heart
As the interview continued, we moved into the deeper waters of the heart. Amy mentioned how she used to feel like she had "ruined her brain." If you’ve spent years looking at pornography, you know exactly what she means. Your brain develops these "pathways." You see a certain image, and your mind automatically jumps to the next lustful thought. It feels like a physical groove has been worn into your gray matter.
But here is the miracle: God is the Creator of the brain. He can rewire what the enemy has twisted. Amy found that as God began to heal her heart, her perception of women changed. Instead of seeing them as objects for her own gratification, she began to see them through the eyes of Jesus.
"If I really going to love a woman, I'm not going to be lusting after her," she explained. This wasn't just about "not doing" something; it was about "seeing" something differently.
I pictured a scene she described: driving down the freeway and seeing a billboard. You know the ones—scantily clad women used to sell everything from beer to car insurance. For someone in the heat of a struggle, that billboard is a landmine. In the past, Amy would have felt immediate condemnation. You’ll never get over this. You’re still a lustful person.
But she learned a new strategy. Instead of cowering in shame, she began to pray for the person on the billboard. "Lord, I pray for this woman. I pray that You save her, that she gives her heart to You, that she uses her life as a testimony for You."
Think about how powerful that is! You take the very thing the devil meant for your destruction and you turn it into a weapon of intercession. When you see a person as a soul in need of a Savior, the lust begins to evaporate. It’s hard to lust after someone while you’re sincerely crying out for their salvation. This is what it means to see as God sees.
But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7 KJV)
Finding True Intimacy with Jesus
The title of Amy’s book and blog is Longing for Intimacy. That word "intimacy" is often misunderstood in our culture. We’ve sexualized it so much that we’ve forgotten its true meaning. Amy admitted she used to think intimacy and sex were the same thing.
She had a "god-shaped hole" in her heart, and she was trying to fill it with porn and same-sex attraction. We’ve all heard that phrase, and sometimes it sounds like a fluffy cliché. But for Amy, it became a living reality. She realized that her craving for connection wasn't wrong—it was just being directed toward the wrong source.
"Intimacy with Jesus is that deep, deep connection that I had always thought that I could only get with another woman," she said.
This is where the real victory lies. It’s not in the filters or the willpower. It’s in the presence of God. When you start experiencing that deep, intimate connection with Him—where you can share the deepest, darkest parts of your heart and know that He isn't shaking His finger at you, but drawing you closer—everything changes.
I’ve talked about this in my book, Open Your Eyes: My Supernatural Journey . When you encounter the real Jesus, not the religious version we see on posters, but the King of Kings who loves you with an everlasting love, the cheap substitutes of this world lose their luster.
Amy described her previous view of God as a "college professor" grading her. Many of us live that way. We think we have to get our act together before we can talk to Him. But Jesus wants to talk to you in the middle of the struggle. He’s the Great Physician. A doctor doesn't wait for the patient to get well before he sees them; he sees them because they are sick.
Personal Reflections: The Battle and the Victory
As I listened to Amy, I thought about the many times I’ve had to check my own heart. We all have "billboards" in our lives. It might not be porn for you; it might be anger, or greed, or the "Oreo cookie" temptation I jokingly mentioned in the interview. The devil is a master at finding the crack in the armor.
I’ve learned that the moment I stop maintaining my intimacy with Jesus, I become vulnerable. You can't live off the manna from a month ago. You need fresh bread every day.
Give us this day our daily bread. (Matthew 6:11 KJV)
There was a time when Amy struggled with dreams—suggestive, sexual dreams that would leave her feeling guilty and defeated before she even got out of bed. She felt like she was opposing herself.
In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. (2 Timothy 2:25-26 KJV)
She sought out her pastors for deliverance. They prayed for her, and those dreams stopped. That weight, that "monkey on her back," was gone. Now, I want to be clear: deliverance is real, and it is a powerful tool in the Kingdom. But even after deliverance, you still have the "flesh" to deal with. You still have to make choices. You still have to guard your heart.
The victory isn't a destination where you never face temptation again. It’s a state of being where you are so connected to the Vine that the temptation no longer has power over you. You recognize it for what it is—a lie from the pit—and you hand it over to Jesus immediately.
Biblical References
The Word of God is our sword. If we aren't grounded in it, we will be swept away by every wind of doctrine and every whim of our own emotions. Here are some of the scriptures that anchor this journey of overcoming:
On the reality of temptation and the way out:
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV)
On the cleansing power of God when we are honest:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 KJV)
On where our focus should be:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8 KJV)
On the internal change that must happen:
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2 KJV)
On making no provision for the struggle:
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. (Romans 13:14 KJV)
Key Takeaways
- Shame is the enemy's greatest weapon. It keeps the struggle hidden and the root alive. Breaking the silence is the first step toward freedom.
- Confession leads to healing. Finding a trustworthy, compassionate person to talk to breaks the power of the secret.
- Tools are for protection, not transformation. Software and filters are helpful "police," but only Jesus can change the heart's desires.
- Intercession kills lust. Praying for the person who is a source of temptation shifts your perspective from your own gratification to their eternal salvation.
- True intimacy is the solution. Most addictions are attempts to fill a void that only a deep, personal connection with Jesus Christ can satisfy.
Conclusion and Call to Action
Friend, if you are reading this and you’re in the middle of that secret war, I want you to know that there is hope. You didn't ruin your brain beyond repair. You aren't too far gone for the grace of God. Jesus isn't waiting for you to be perfect; He’s waiting for you to be honest.
Amy Riardon is a living testimony that you can come out of the box. You don't have to live your whole life in a state of "damage control." You can walk in the sun again. You can have a heart that is so full of the love of God that the shadows of the past no longer have any pull on you.
I want to encourage you to visit Amy’s blog at LongingForIntimacy.com. She has resources, videos, and a book that go into much more detail on how to navigate this path. She’s been where you are, and she’s found the way home.
If this post has spoken to you, please don't just close the tab and move on. Do something. Reach out to a trusted friend. Pray that prayer of intercession the next time you see a "billboard." And most importantly, spend time talking to Jesus—not as a judge, but as the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.
God bless you as you dig deeper and go higher!
Action Items
- Identify a "Safe Harbor": Pray and ask God to show you one trustworthy person you can talk to. Commit to sharing your struggle with them this week.
- Conduct a "Digital Audit": Look at your phone and computer usage. Are there apps, sites, or times of day when you are most vulnerable? Set up accountability software or remove the triggers entirely.
- Practice the "Billboard Prayer": The next time you see an image or person that triggers a lustful thought, stop immediately and pray for that person's salvation and relationship with God.
- Daily Intimacy Check-in: Set aside 15 minutes a day specifically for "transparent prayer." Tell Jesus exactly how you feel, what you're struggling with, and ask Him to reveal His love to you in a new way.
- Scripture Immersion: Write down one of the KJV verses listed above and keep it with you. Memorize it and speak it out loud when you feel the "monkey on your back" getting heavy.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you experienced the power of confession in your life? How has intimacy with Jesus changed your perspective on struggle? Leave a comment below or reach out to me through ConradRocks.net. If you found this helpful, please share it with someone who might be fighting this battle in silence. You never know whose life you might change.
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