Fear

There have been many times in my life where fear crept in.

I am not talking about a little nervousness before a meeting or the kind of concern that makes a person slow down in traffic. I am talking about fear that feels like it has hands. Fear that reaches into your chest and squeezes. Fear that whispers in the dark and tries to convince you that what God said is not going to stand.

When I was a child, I was tormented by demons. I have been in car accidents and perils at sea. I have been carjacked and mugged at gunpoint. Those things are real. They leave a mark. But as frightening as those moments were, they were minor compared to the season when I experienced panic attacks.

On June 1st, 1999, a strange man told me that my Dad had four and a half months to live. I was in Michigan. I will never forget that day. I flew to Texas to take care of Dad as he was dying of a cancerous brain tumor. Toward the end of his days, after much fasting and prayer, I woke up in sheer panic in the late hours of the night. I had to run outside. I thought I was going to die.

During those episodes my heart would pound at 140 to 170 beats per minute for long periods of time. I did not know the human body could endure so much. It felt like my body had become a prison and my mind was looking for a door that was not there.

I was experiencing fear in a big way.

The Root Beneath the Panic

What was the root of that terror?

The fact that Dad was dying meant that I could never go home. The rug was being pulled out from beneath my feet. The man I loved as much as my own life was lying in the other room dying. When he left, it meant there was no going home anymore.

Home is not merely a physical location. Home is the people you love. Home is that voice on the other end of the phone. Home is the chair where they sit. Home is the smell of coffee, the old stories, the familiar laugh, the hand on the shoulder. When someone like that is leaving this world, grief does not always come politely. Sometimes it kicks the door in.

When I said I was fasting and praying, I was. I was down on my knees seriously pleading with God. None of us wanted Dad to go. The hard part was that I knew God could save him. I had seen God move. I knew He was able. That was not the question.

The question that tore at me was, why did He not?

Dad did not want to be saved from that sickness. He had made up his mind that he was ready to go. He kept saying that he had led a good life and was ready to go. So he left on the exact day the surgeon in Lubbock said he would.

That kind of thing does something to a person. You can love God and still have questions. You can believe the Bible and still weep. You can fast and pray and still walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Faith is not pretending the valley is not there. Faith is finding out that God is there in the valley.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

— Psalm 23:4 KJV

Notice David did not say, “I will never walk through the valley.” He said, “I will fear no evil.” The difference is huge. God does not always keep us from the valley, but He promises His presence in it. The Shepherd is not intimidated by shadows.

Fear Is a Spirit

My panic attacks continued for some time. These episodes were so traumatic that I went to see a psychiatrist. In our first and only session, she told me to read a book: Master Your Panic and Take Back Your Life.

I read about thirty pages of that book and was healed. I am not saying that I never felt another panic attack coming, but I learned to see them coming and to ward them off before they got a foothold. Pretty soon I gained control again.

I quickly realized a principle in that book that is in the Bible. Fear is a spirit, and as Christians, we need to fight that spirit. It is from the enemy.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

— 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

That verse became more than a refrigerator magnet to me. It became a sword. It told me something very important: if God did not give me the spirit of fear, then I did not have to receive it as my identity. I did not have to say, “This is just who I am.” I could say, “This is not from my Father.”

God gives power. Fear makes you feel powerless.

God gives love. Fear makes you turn inward until all you can see is your own pain.

God gives a sound mind. Fear tries to scatter your thoughts like leaves in a storm.

So when fear shows up, we need to identify it. We do not pet it. We do not build a guest room for it. We do not rehearse its sermon over and over until it becomes our theology. We resist it.

Fear Looks for a Foothold

There is a spiritual battle that rages in an intangible world. We must be on guard with our spiritual eyes open. Fear is looking for a foothold in our lives through our perception of circumstances.

That is important. The circumstance may be real. Dad really was sick. The grief really was heavy. My heart really was pounding. But fear takes real circumstances and then interprets them without God. Fear says, “This is the end.” Faith says, “God is still here.” Fear says, “You are alone.” Faith says, “He will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Fear says, “You cannot make it.” Faith says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

— Hebrews 13:5 KJV

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

— Philippians 4:13 KJV

Fear is the polar opposite of faith. Fear is faith in the enemy’s report. Faith is confidence in God’s Word.

If you are experiencing fear or worry, stop feeding it. I know that sounds blunt, but sometimes we need to talk to ourselves that way. Stop meditating on the worst-case scenario. Stop replaying the imaginary disaster. Stop giving the enemy free airtime in your mind.

Put On the Armor

The Bible does not tell us to be passive about this. It tells us to stand.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

— Ephesians 6:10-11 KJV

We must guard against fear before it has a chance to creep in. If our armor is on the ground while we are sleeping, fear has a chance to get a foothold. To fight against fear, we must exercise faith.

How do we use faith? We quote the Word to our circumstances.

I do it over and over again until I believe it. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God, so I speak the Word a lot. Not just thinking it. Speaking it. There is something powerful about hearing your own mouth agree with God.

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

— Romans 10:17 KJV

The sword of the Spirit is the Word of God. Use it.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

— Ephesians 6:17 KJV

When panic tried to rise up, I learned to interrupt it. I learned to say, “No. God has not given me the spirit of fear.” I learned to breathe, yes, and I learned practical things, yes, but I also learned to fight in the Spirit. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is stand in your living room at midnight and quote Scripture while your body is trying to convince you that you are dying.

What Time I Am Afraid

One of my favorite verses about fear does not pretend that fear never knocks.

What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

— Psalm 56:3-4 KJV

“What time I am afraid.” That is honest. David did not say, “If I am ever weak enough to feel fear.” He said, “When fear comes, I know what I am going to do.”

That helped me because condemnation often tries to follow fear. First the enemy attacks you with fear, then he accuses you for being afraid. That is how he works. But the Scripture gives us a better way. When fear comes, trust. When fear speaks, praise His Word. When fear points to what man can do, remember what God has already said.

I have learned that victory over fear is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is very practical. It is choosing not to spiral. It is picking up the Bible when your emotions want to pick up every horrible possibility. It is calling a brother or sister in Christ and asking them to pray. It is getting outside and breathing while speaking the Word. It is refusing to let a passing feeling become a permanent stronghold.

Grief, Faith, and the God Who Stays

Looking back, I can see that a lot of my panic was tied to grief. I was losing Dad. I was losing the earthly sense of home I had known. Something deep inside me was screaming because I could not stop what was happening.

But God was teaching me that He is my true home. He is my refuge. People we love may go on before us. Places may change. Seasons may end. But the Lord remains.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

— Psalm 46:1-2 KJV

That is not shallow comfort. That is bedrock. “Though the earth be removed” sounds exactly like what grief feels like. It feels like the ground moved. It feels like the mountains fell into the sea. But even then, God is a very present help in trouble.

Not a distant help. Not a theoretical help. A very present help.

Your Next Steps

1. Name the fear and refuse to call it your identity. Say out loud, “God has not given me the spirit of fear.” Recognize the difference between a real circumstance and the enemy’s interpretation of that circumstance.
2. Speak the Word until faith rises. Choose three KJV verses about fear and say them out loud every day. Start with 2 Timothy 1:7, Psalm 56:3-4, and Psalm 23:4. Faith comes by hearing.
3. Put on the armor before the battle feels intense. Do not wait until panic has a foothold. Pray, worship, read Scripture, and stay connected to believers who will agree with God’s Word over your life.

Fear may knock, but you do not have to open the door. Panic may try to rise, but you are not helpless. The enemy may whisper, but the Word of God speaks louder.

God has not given us the spirit of fear. He has given us power, love, and a sound mind.